Letter to my younger self
at 70 I try to connect with my 20 year old self (revised & updated from 2015)
It is 2024 for me, 1974 for you. You are almost twenty and I will soon turn seventy (if all goes as planned). In the coming year you will marry Connie, and move to Salem, beginning your new, adult life together.
In a few years, a book called The Road Less Traveled, by M. Scott Peck will begin with the phrase, “Life is hard.” In your case it might have helped if he had added, “…and you don’t need to further complicate matters…”
you will be much better off if
You have known fear, anxiety, and anxiousness throughout your days, and they will always be with you. Get used to it, but do not let them rule or guide you. You will be much better off if you learn to make decisions and take actions based on your greater commitments and values (despite the discomfort you feel or the lack of approval, support and understanding of others).
Your default choice will often be to focus on avoiding mistakes and failure. You will think that knowing and following the rules and not effing up will protect you. It won’t.
certainty sounds nice
Control is often your initial knee-jerk response to fears. It will fail you and usually result in a worse situation than that which you are trying to resolve or avoid. Certainty sounds nice but is shortsighted. Learn to live and love the tension. Life is much bigger than you can imagine, and you will have many years to work things out.
Tenacity will be one of your strengths, but it is only helpful when you are being tenacious for the right thing(s).
be patient with yourself
I would love to point out your blind spots and give you a quick fix on how to avoid the troubles they bring. Can’t do it. You can’t, and or won’t, see them in the moment. Sometimes they become painful, lightening flash clear in reverse, other times they linger in the shadows with little if any direct awareness but ongoing impact. The best I can say is 1) you will always have them 2) be cautious with certainty, 3) keep seeking and listening, 4) learn and live with humility toward others and, lastly 5) be patient with yourself.
I am guessing that by now you may be questioning that we are in any way connected (related?), but here goes. Belief is easy; faith is the challenge (and opportunity). You have been taught and accepted an extremely specific way of knowing God and being Christian. You have it all figured out because it is clear, simple. Just you wait…
it is a process of living… and continually learning
You are young in life and formation. Get ready for the challenging and crumbling of systems, beliefs, and practices. This process will eventually help you grow closer toward wholeness. Belief that can be reduced to words, doctrinal statements, creeds (which you know little of at this point) and systematics is information one can intellectually agree with. Faith in mystery is more dynamic and thereby riskier. It is a process of living into and continually learning and growing. In this season of life, I have learned to love, and trust, the mystery.
A career can bring joy and fulfillment. Your path and personality will take you to places in which you will give your whole self to your work. Remember all jobs are temporary. Most of what you are going to want to fight for in work settings is not worth the energy, emotions, and effort. Do not give more to a job than it asks, deserves, or gives you. Sorry for sounding like Oprah (you will know who she is in a few years) but remember to find your value as a human BEing, not a human DOing…
Relationships are worth working for and working at. They cannot be forced. Over the years they will bring sustenance, pain, and surprises. Marriage will be central. Connie and you will experience deep joy and the edges of despair. Hold fast, it will be worth it. Children and grandchildren will shape your family in unimaginable ways. Good luck understanding extended family and in-laws. I am still working at both and would not begin to think I have them figured out.
Friendships will be rooted in diverse settings. Some will last decades; others will grow within and exist for a specific context or season. You never know in the moment who will hold you in storms or join you in joyful celebrations.
when you encounter them
Forgiving others and yourself will be a challenge (understatement). Each glimpse and step of progress will be painful but worth it. It is a cycle of death and resurrection. Remember, without winter there is no spring.
Patience will be another ongoing challenge. The need for patience is woven through most of what has been mentioned. It will come little by little with the hard cost of life experience. Do your best not to resist the opportunities to learn, live and grow in this area.
Be ready for surprises. There are people you do not yet know and situations you cannot imagine. There are books, stories, and songs, I wish I could share today, but I trust you will appreciate them more when you encounter them along the way.
Keep listening, learning, seeking, helping, creating, reflecting, breathing, recreating, resting, and laughing.
May peace be with you each new day.
If you are enjoying my posts and want to support my efforts and ideas, please click the button below, and buy me a cup of tea. Thanks!
Love this!